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[ingeniar]

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[nightsung]

[ There’s a worm of guilt in her stomach that she realizes has been there longer than this moment, gnawing quietly in the background. Shadowheart remembers the first time she’d snapped at Tony, when he’d sawed Stephen’s hands off and come to her, his rebuttal of hey, I’m married.

He wears his ring again, now, and she sees it every time she thinks of touching him. Shadowheart watches his silhouette in the dark, finally shifts to lie properly on her side next to him, a gap of a few inches between. One hand tucked beneath her pillow, the other—not quite touching his, fingertips brushing before retreating again. ]

I’m sorry.

[ Soft, feeling the warmth of him beside her and also the distance between them. The way this is different from the conversations they had during the bond because they’re both in their right minds, and it feels infinitely harder.

Shadowheart tucks her chin against the pillow, her gaze on the shadow of Tony’s shoulder. ]

I’ve never been with anyone. Not that I can remember. And my memories are— [ Broken. Scattered. ] You maybe felt it, before.

Even if I could remember, I wouldn’t have been allowed. At the Cloister, my only attachment was to my goddess.

They’re lucky to have you. Your family. I’m so sorry you can’t be with them.

[ingeniar]

Yeah, we're all doing new stuff here.

[ Understatement of the year. Tony thinks about that for a moment, then turns his head on his pillow to look at Shadowheart. His eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so he can see her a little, her pale cheek, the delicate point of her ear. He can easily imagine her eyes, having spent so much time looking into them lately. ]

It's just to say it's not you, it's me. What you've given me, what you've done for me -- and for the wizard.. [ He lifts his hand up and reaches for her, brushing lightly over her hair, tucking it back. The briefest, affectionate brush of his fingers over her ear. ]

Don't think I'm not grateful. It's just.. taking a while for me to adjust.

[nightsung]

[ Shadowheart blinks at the touch, the tenderness of it, her eyes wet. They’re all so careful with each other now, and she’s afraid of how hungry she is for them—how much she still feels like she needs them both, while she chooses between doorways and they hold themselves tight to one side of a small bed.

She holds herself tight to try not to need. To brace against the hurt that will come when they realize they don’t need her.

It’s harder to brace with Tony softening, just a little, beside her. Shadowheart’s hand finds his elbow, easy, moving to touch as he touches her, in tandem the way they were not long ago.

Quiet, shy, ]

You’ve been good to me. You both have. If I’d just been with Saber, I—

[ She lets go a shaky breath, catching at the end. ]

I don’t know who I would be.

[ She should give Tony the grace to say she understands. Give him the quiet space between them, and time, but something else comes tumbling out against the warmth of his weathered palm. ]

Sometimes I want you so much it hurts. Sometimes thinking about you and Stephen with anyone else feels like—

[ Poison, sharp and eating at her insides. Her knees curl up, ashamed, her hand retreating to wrap an arm around her middle. ]

I feel like I hardly know you and have known you for a lifetime. I don’t know what to do with it.

[ingeniar]

[ Quiet and alone in the dark like this, after everything they've been through together, it's all too easy to forget how little they know about each other. How far they still have to go to truly understand what's going on, where they've come from, what kind of world they're facing back home. But it's a shorter distance than it was, and Tony aches with her as she crumples, small and young and in pain beside him.

Sometimes I want you so much it hurts. Instinctive, still, the need to fix it. To stop that hurt, in whatever way he can. Their bond might be broken, but it's made a path between them. It would be stupid to try and deny it. And cruel, to let her think she's broken, to let her believe she's alone.

He doesn't hesitate much more than a moment before he leans in towards her, tip of his nose brushing over hers, giving her room to pull away if she wants before he -- ]

I do.

[ -- leans in to kiss her. ]

[nightsung]

[ A soft sound as his lips touch hers, gently surprised even if she felt it coming. I do, simple in its certainty when the tangle between them and their third, the others who were tethered to them by bond or no, is anything but.

It’s a raft in the sea Shadowheart’s adrift in, and she clings to it, unfurls enough to press her hand to Tony’s chest, warm over his heart as she kisses him back, slow and sure. It feels like their first, in a way, though she knows she’s kissed him a hundred times or more over the past month, mapping his body with her mouth. ]

[ingeniar]

[ Acceptance is more than he deserves, after the way things have been between them lately. That gentle welcoming, the gentle hand spread over his heart, is more again, almost too much. Tony groans softly against her mouth, a little overcome, and finds himself leaning over her to deepen the kiss.

A hand steals beneath the blankets, over her body and the nightdress she wears, finding the hem and twitching it up so he can slip his fingers beneath, seeking out the thin scar on the inside of her thigh. ]

[nightsung]

[ Shadowheart has been trying to ignore her scars, let them fade out of her conscious vision like the one across her cheek, so much a part of her she hardly notices it anymore. Instead, she's felt them fresh with the distance between the three of them in this little cottage: the clean white ridge across the back of Stephen's hand, Saber's X over her own heart.

So Shadowheart knows exactly where he's touching, her thighs parting by instinct for him, pads of his fingers a soft enlivening jolt. Permission to want him again, to slip her arms around his neck and cup the nape. Shadowheart presses her mouth to the corner of his, the stubble at his jaw, breathing, ]

Tony.

[ingeniar]

[ The inside of her thigh is soft and smooth and warm; Tony's fingertips find the scar by muscle memory more than anything, the injury itself a barely raised thread along the seam of her body. He remembers how sharp the knife had been and the wetness of her blood. It makes something in his chest kick and shudder. He wants her. He wants Pepper. He wants something to think about that isn't death and how they're all trapped in a weird little village. He wants a warm bed full of laughter and long limbs tangled around his at night.

But he stops when she says his name. Doesn't freeze, just stops, breathing a little shallow himself beside her cheek. A tiny, incremental movement of his hand, tentative. ]

No? [ He'll move away if she asks him to, but not until she asks him to. ]

[nightsung]

[ A half-shake of her head against his, when he stops. There wasn't any uncertainty between them, before. They'd all just--crashed into each other, needing.

It feels strange to move slower, but not bad. Just different. Shadowheart slips a hand down to encircle Tony's wrist, not to push him away but to gently guide him a little higher. ]

Keep going. [ And then, because for once she's not feeling demanding, just achy and warm: ] Please.

[ingeniar]

[ He doesn't need any more than that, though the guidance is definitely appreciated. Tony stays where he is, close and warm against her cheek, taking in the scent of her skin and her hair, soft floral scents and the specific and increasingly familiar note that's just Shadowheart herself.

Obediently, he slides his hand higher, the pads of his fingers moving over the scar and upwards, pushing up the fabric of her nightgown until he reaches silk and a different kind of heat. Indulging a desire to tease her a little, he strokes her through her panties, pressing in a little to see how much she's been enjoying herself so far. ]

Hey. [ Murmured softly into her pointed ear, rubbing gently, testing her responses. ] Oh, honey. Good girl.

[nightsung]

[ It's not the first time Tony's called her either of those things, but it might be the first time Shadowheart is lucid for them--or as lucid as one can be with fingers rubbing at slick silk, embarrassed she's this wet from just a kiss and sweet names. Her ears go hot, her hips hitching against his hand. ]

I haven't been able to-- [ Come, the couple of times she's touched herself in the bath to relieve any of the knots of tension in her body, the build of fear and frustration after the start of the games, the loss of their bonds. Shadowheart lets go of Tony's wrist, restless now with the build of liquid heat in her, hands mapping down the short, soft hairs on his chest, the slight divot where he has his own scar. Not made by her, but she wants to kiss it, anyway. ]

Without you. [ Nails dragging down to his navel as her breath comes hot and quick against his cheek, finding the waist of his pajama pants and slipping just beneath. ] I can't.

[ingeniar]

No?

[ A very different question this time, smiling against her cheek with not a little irrepressible smugness that he will fully indulge in later on. The drift of nails down his front is having a very predictable outcome; he shifts a little to give her more room to work.

His own hand circles and presses over that damp silk before he lets go of his shred of patience and moves it up, seeking and finding the waistband of her panties, pushing them down a little as he pushes his hand inside. Soft, damp skin and heat; he parts her, finds her clit with practised movements and a soft, slightly helpless groan. Starts stroking her with smaller, faster circles of his fingers.

More breathless now, as things get more serious: ]

Pretty sure it's my duty to -- help you with that.

[nightsung]

[ It's getting harder to focus on anything resembling conversation with Tony touching her like this, fingers stroking between her wet lips. Shadowheart can't help the small sounds she makes, bitten out against Tony's jaw, her own hand finding the heat of his thickening cock to curl around it, remembering the shape of it inside her. ]

I missed you. [ It's not what she means to say, but it's what her mouth presses to his, pulling Tony into another kiss while she spreads her legs wider beneath him, thighs starting to shake as she grinds against his hand. ]

[ingeniar]

Missed you -- [ Tony can only murmur it into her mouth, a heartfelt echo smeared between kisses as their movements grow more frenetic, chasing a steadily increasing pleasure as it climbs and climbs.

He slips his hand down a little, sinks two fingers into her eager cunt to fuck her like that, in and out, as he rocks his hips and pushes himself into her palm almost in the same rhythm. His kisses drift across her mouth to her cheek and back again, gasping, groaning helplessly when he feels her clench and shiver around him. ]

God, you feel so -- so good.

[nightsung]

Tony.

[ It's high and urgent, as sweet pressure builds in her core. The realization of just how good this is--after not having it, not having either of them, not knowing when she would again--pushes her tight and fast toward an edge of overwhelm, her pussy clamping around Tony's fingers, trying to pull him deeper. ]

Please tell me that I-- that I'm allowed to-- [ Shadowheart's hand is clumsy around his cock, stuttered between punched-out little sounds and wet kisses against Tony's mouth. ]

[ingeniar]

Mm, baby -- [ He sinks his fingers in deeper and holds them there to kiss her properly, wanting to unspool the moment between them, the sweet ache and sensation of wanting and needing, nerves strung tight, right there on the edge. Impossible to have it last forever, but he'll keep trying.

He slides his thumb up against her, slick little circles across her clit, as clumsy as her hand on his throbbing dick but hopefully as effective. Between kisses, then: ]

You can. You're allowed. Come for me.

[nightsung]

[ She does, the moment he tells her to. Humiliating, in the early days--when her bond with Saber left her ravenous and desperate to get off with anyone, at any time, and the only person who could tip her past the edge was a man she hardly knew.

Now, it twists some sharper desire in her, as her muscles pulse around Tony's fingers, wet and hot for him. It's not Saber wrecking her and dangling the key to her release out of reach. It's permission to let go, feel everything she wants to feel, and she bites Tony's lip on a high, needy sound as the world whites out, stroking his cock tighter and faster. ]